To Have and HaveNot
by PriyaLaLita
Summary: The Holidays have always meant tough times for certain people but JJ just hates them & Drake can't see why. An evolving relationship allows them to discover many things about each other & even themselves as they cope with the Holiday Season. Enjoy plz R
1. Chapter 1

**To Have & Have-Not**

**Chapter**** 1.**

By: Priya LaLita.

JJ Adams groaned, rubbing the back of his neck to try and ease the tension. This was going to be a killer month. Three open cases, two with no solid leads, on the brink of exhaustion, freezing his ass off and being subjected to Christmas Music for the next twenty some-odd days was akin to torture. He'd always disliked the Holiday Season, but this year was proving to be the worst. Over-stressed, cranky, relatively alone. He sank back in the passenger's seat and flipped through the radio stations, irritated with everything he heard, eventually just shutting it off. He shivered by himself until the driver's side door pulled open, extending two steaming cups of coffee. He took them from the bare, reddened hands and settled them in the cup-holders.

"Goddamn it's chilly." Drake huffed, slipping into the car, rubbing his hands together.

"Chilly?" He grumbled, scanning the cups for his. "It's freezing."

Drake shot him an almost sympathetic smile. "Poor Malibu Barbie." He sighed, reaching over to ruffle his hair with a still cold hand. "The worst is yet to come."

"Don't remind me." He groaned, pouting a little, clutching his coffee cup.

"What's wrong?"  
"I'm _cold_."

"Other than that, you were attacking the radio just a minute ago." He laughed gently and took his own.

"Was not." JJ said with a frown.

"Liar." Drake smirked and turned the radio back on, JJ cringing at the sound of "Rockin' Around the Christmas Tree" coming out of the speakers. "You..._Scrooge_." He said, a shocked look on his face as he turned it down.

"What? Is it a crime to be insanely irritated by Holiday Music?"

"Yes." Drake laughed as JJ rolled his eyes.

"Whatever."

Drake flipped another channel, landing on another song, some Disney Star butchering another Christmas Carole, watching JJ grow visibly more agitated. "Holy shit, you're not kidding."

"And _why_ would I be kidding?"

"Beats me, Bah-Humbug." He said, staring at him as JJ reached out and turned the radio off again. "Seriously, you were all crazy about Christmas last year."

"I was pretty crazy about everything last year." JJ said, sipping on his coffee, alluding to his fruitless chase for Dee's affection.

"But, really...how can you be all grumpy listening to that."

"How can you be all cheery listening to that?"

"Because...it's Christmas." Drake said, shrugging. "It's just part of the Holiday Spirit."

JJ snorted quietly in contempt. "Whatever you say."

"Are you seriously going to tell me you grew out of Christmas?"

"No, I didn't grow out of it. You can't grow _out_ of something you were never _in_to."

Drake narrowed his eyes at his partner and sipped his coffee before breaking into the cookie he'd gotten from the deli. JJ looked over and rolled his eyes at the tree-shaped treat.

"Okay, don't give me that, I didn't bake the cookie." He said through a mouthful, before swallowing. "So, you never celebrated at your house?" He broke off another piece and held it in front of JJ's mouth with a smile.

"Oh, my mother celebrated, she drank her martinis out of these cute little glasses that said Ho-Ho-Ho. I found it to be _quite_ appropriate, thanks to all of her boyfriends hanging around the house when my step-father was out." He said bitterly, eating the bit of cookie right from his hand as Drake blinked.

"You've got issues, JJ." He said as his partner rolled his eyes again, slowly chewing.

"Whatever. I grew up Beverly Hills, Drake. There's no need for mommy and daddy to make up some story about some chubby guy in a tacky red velvet pimp suit to break into your house and give you presents when you're the kid who said _I want a pony_ and _got_ one."

"Issues." Drake said again as JJ huffed. "And did you just say pimp suit?"

"Whatever."

"Christmas isn't just about Santa."

"Sure. It's about Christmas Parties and flaunting your wealth to your friends and co-workers."

"It's about family and good will and doing good for others--"

"And trampling people to death in line at Walmart on Black Friday for mediocre sales on shitty merchandise and making an excuse to only do good things for others and being good to your family and helping the needy only once a year." JJ retorted as Drake frowned.

"Scrooge." He shot back, unable to find a comeback.

"Tool." He grunted holding onto his coffee tighter.

-------

Drake stared at the screen, at primarily blank slots in the police report, resting his cheek on his fist. His eyes drifted across the desks to his partner, watching him chew on the back of a pen as he focused on his own screen.  
"So, you're not going home for the Holidays then?"

"Nope, didn't go home last year either, or before that."

"Yeah, but you were working, you got the time off this year."

"And I'm going to give it up."  
"That's sweet of you." Drake said as he nodded.

"It's the right thing to do. I'm single, I have no local family, and I hate Christmas, it makes sense." He answered before closing the manila file open on the desk, shuffling the papers away into a drawer. "I'll be home, so...see you later, when you're done?" He posed it as a blasé question as he shrugged into his black Prada Pea-Coat.

"Yeah, do you want me to pick up something to eat?"

"Sure, if you want." JJ said with a small shrug, winding a scarf around his neck. "See you when you finish, then."

Drake nodded, then frowned, grabbing JJ's hand as he turned. "Come here." He said quietly, gently pulling him towards him.

JJ made a small, questioning noise as Drake squeezed his hand.

"Are you okay?" He asked as JJ nodded.

"I'm fine." He answered as Drake sighed and pulled him closer, using his free hand to pull down the Burberry Checked cashmere scarf from around his mouth.

He placed a small kiss on JJ's lips and smiled, resting his forehead against his.

"Get home safe."

"Mmhm." JJ smirked and leaned his weight on the arms of Drake's desk chair. "Stop wasting time."

"I'm not wasting time." He said, flashing a charming look.  
"Liar." JJ whispered as Drake leaned in for another kiss.

"That makes two of us."

JJ tried to act annoyed, but failed, straightening and pulling his scarf back up, forming an effective barrier against the kiss.

"I'll see you later."

Drake sighed and licked his lips absently, leaning back in his chair. He glanced at the screen and groaned. Stupid paperwork keeping him here. He wasn't sure _what _was going on between them. Ever since they'd kissed on the roof six months ago, things just started to click. Slowly, but surely they'd gotten closer and closer, and before they knew it, they were even _closer_. It was casual, supposedly no strings attached, _just_ sex; they _didn't_ talk about it, but Drake wasn't sure what to think about it. In fact, it was kind of driving him crazy. He'd never felt quite like this before, so consumed by someone. He swallowed the lump forming in his throat, slowly trying to focus back on the screen, but failing miserably. There was a somewhat frightening sense of _completion_ to this new level in their relationship. It just felt _right_.

(to be continued).

Hi all, thanks for reading. Many more chapters to come. Also, many many many infinite thanks to Daxemon who suffered through reading this for past month or so. I hope you enjoy it, and I will update soon. I'll probably update every Friday or so. xoxo PriyaLaLita.


	2. Chapter 2

**To Have and Have-Not**

**Chapter 2.**

By: Priya LaLita

**Warnings:** Not work friendly! Sex Scene ahead.

Drake Parker balanced the pizza box as he got out of his car, locking it manually behind him. He was amazed the door stayed on the hinges, to be honest. He stacked the six-pack on top of the box and headed towards JJ's building.

"Evening, sir." The doorman said, with a polite nod, holding the door open.

"Thank you. Have a good night." He said, continuing past the desk clerk, who always tried to chat him up. He wondered what kind of gossip they had about him; did they suspect they were lovers? The Clerk, Michelle, was it? Was always making innocent comments and full of little questions. This wouldn't be the first time he'd spent the night...or the second...or the third. He took a deep breath, and leaned back against the paneling of the elevator after pushing the button for six.

He slipped the key into the lock and turned, pushing open the door and heading into the foyer.

"Hey." He called out, dropping his keys into the red and gold Asian patterned bowl on the little table. The movement felt like a habit, a homecoming. He kicked off his shoes before he walked into the kitchen and slipped the pizza box and the six-pack onto the granite counter-tops.

"What took you so long?" JJ said, yawning sleepily. "You slacker."

Drake looked over his shoulder and watched JJ stretching, his tight long sleeved t-shirt hiking up, displaying most of the baby blue star tattooed under his navel peeking out over the button of his low-rise skin-tight jeans. He licked his lips as JJ stepped closer, running a hand through his downy platinum blond hair.

"Am not." He protested as JJ smirked.

"I should punish you for making me have to wait." He said, taking hold of Drake's tie and gently tugging him towards the bedroom.

A slow smile spread across Drake's lips as he let JJ drag him, all his worries slipping away for the moment.  
"Punish me? _Please_." He said, allowing JJ to slip off his tie and shrug off his coat before going straight for his belt buckle.

Drake groaned happily at the eager tug, running his hands up JJ's sides, peeling up the white long-sleeved shirt over his head. JJ's hands undid the button of his slacks and tugged his button up shirt out of his pants and over his head, leaving him in a plain, soft white t-shirt. JJ's lips were working at the junction of Drake's neck and shoulder, Drake finding himself realizing that they rarely _kissed_ during sex as his hand traveled down JJ's back to grab that perfect ass. He guided JJ to the foot of the bed, and moved to capture those perfect pouty lips only to connect with the shell of JJ's ear as he turned his head.

"You're being punished remember." JJ said, panting a little as he hopped onto the bed, crawling to the middle before sitting up. His slender hands moved down his sides until he reached the waistline of his pants.

"I am?" He smirked, watching JJ's long fingers dip below the barrier of denim.

"You are, but then, I don't feel the need to punish me in the meantime." He raised an eyebrow, looking over his shoulder before twisting his body so Drake had a better view.

Drake held his breath as JJ slowly worked down the zipper of those amazingly tight jeans. He stood there, transfixed as he shrugged his jeans halfway down his thighs, giving him a fabulous view. His body reacted like he'd never imagined it to; this _wasn't_ supposed to turn him on. _JJ_ wasn't supposed to turn him on like this.

JJ sat up on his knees, back straight before pushing out his bare ass a little, distorting the clean line of stars along his spine with a delicate curve.

"Are you _coming_?" He asked, softly as Drake groaned.

This was no time for playing with words, he decided, watching JJ flick his hand towards him, gesturing to the dresser. He looked over his shoulder and saw a stack of condoms and a small bottle of lubricant lain out neatly on top of it. He couldn't help but laugh quietly as he snatched them up; JJ's sense of planning was impeccable.

He eased down his fly and let his pants fall lower around his hips, stepping closer to the bed.

He crawled to him slowly and settled behind him, sitting up on his knees to match him. He placed a kiss on the start of the constellation down JJ's spine at the nape of his neck, as he shimmied his boxers down around his knees with his pants. JJ's hand slipped between them, wrapping firmly around his freed erection, a choked gasp coming from Drake, as he rested his forehead on JJ's shoulder.

"_God_..." He whispered, arching into JJ's touch, gripping JJ's hip with one hand, balancing himself with the other.

JJ pressed back with his rear again, guiding him wordlessly as he let go of his cock.

Drake took an unsteady breath and let go of JJ to pick up one of the little foil packets, tearing it open gently. He rolled the condom on slowly before fumbling for the lube, coating his fingers with the sticky, wet liquid. He carefully slipped two fingers inside JJ, taking his time to let his body adjust. He waited until he knew JJ was ready and pressed the tip of his cock against JJ's opening, taking firm hold of his hips. JJ dipped his head a little and pushed back at Drake.

Drake slowly slipped inside of him, as JJ's hands gripped the sheets, a quiet cry escaping him. He held JJ's hips tighter, his pale flesh going whiter around the indentations of his fingers. He pushed in as far as he could, waiting for his partner's body to relax before starting a slow rhythm. He shifted to aim deeper inside of him, listening to JJ's breathing pick up, short breathy gasps for air. He started to move quicker, knowing JJ hated being treated like he was fragile. JJ pushed back to meet his movements eagerly, Drake's muscles burning with excitement. He was intoxicated by the sound of flesh hitting flesh, heaving breathing, and thundering heartbeats.

Drake arched his back thrusting harder, hearing JJ let out a low moan as he undoubtedly hit home. He knew he was close, quickening the pace, slamming in one last time. He felt JJ's entire body tense as he cried out, Drake overwhelmed by the amazing tightness around him, followed suit.

He panted heavily, slumped against JJ, who'd collapsed against the sheets, purring quietly. Drake smiled and kissed the back of his neck again, traveling along his shoulder and up the side of his neck to nibble on his ear. JJ groaned at him and elbowed him gently.

"What?"

"You're squishing me." JJ protested, muffled by the sheets.

"Mmm?" Drake nuzzled his temple and got another elbow in the rib.

He grunted and slowly pulled out, scooting to the end of the bed. He got up, grabbed his coat and went into the bathroom, tossing the used condom in the trash. He fished his cigarettes out of his pocket and headed back to the bedroom.

Drake lay back against the pillows, smiling around an unlit Newport. He'd tried to hide the grin, but it kept breaking through. He grunted and scooted his hips up and tried to tug up his pants that were currently bunched around his knees, groping around in his pocket for his lighter. He looked beside him to JJ, sitting up, pants open and hanging low on his hips, elbows resting on his knees, running a hand through his hair. His hands shook as he flicked his thumb across the flint, producing a weak flame, which he touched to the tip of his cigarette. He took a long drag, staring at the way JJ's skin glowed in the dim light filtering through the blinds. He was dying touch him again; run his hands over those delightfully toned muscles, bury his face in his downy hair and keep him close all night. But, it didn't work that way. No strings attached fucking was not supposed to end with cuddling. In fact, he normally _hated_ cuddling, but now, it was all he wanted. Irony was such a bitch.

JJ reached out and took the cigarette, taking a small drag, head tipped back, holding in the smoke, the picture of ecstasy. Drake groaned softly, rolling over and burying his face in JJ's hip, drowning himself in the scent of sex. He could hear JJ exhale, echoing through his torso, a hand dropping onto his head, fingers lazily combing out the mess of sandy ash blond hair. Drake's breathing was deep and echoed against the hollow of JJ's bony hip.

"Fuck." He whispered, scraping his teeth against the ridge, before sinking his teeth in a bit harder. A trembling gasp escaped his partner, the gentle hand in his hair tightening to a fist, tugging at the trapped strands. Drake's laugh rumbled between them, as his tongue lapped over the shallow impressions he'd left over the grip of the tattooed pistol. The hand in his hair guided him upward, trailing the tip of his tongue up to trace the star under JJ's navel, along the words tattooed underneath (_Happiness is a Warm Gun, _oh, yes it was) until the hand yanked his head back easily.

"I'm starving." He said, playfully pushing Drake onto his back again. "Here." He slipped the cigarette back between Drake's lips with a sly smile before getting up, hiking up his jeans a little, the button of his fly still undone.

Drake grunted, pulling hard on the cigarette, flipping onto his side, propping himself up. A clump of ashes fell on JJ's burgundy Egyptian Cotton sheets, and Drake brushed them out, leaving a grayish black smear as he watched JJ leave the room, eyes following the map of blue stars tattooed down JJ's spine to the perfect ass peeking out from the low-rise jeans that were slipping tantalizingly back down his hips.

He exhaled a stream of smoke through his nose, flopping onto his back. Every time he got affectionate or tried to get intimate or romantic JJ made some excuse to get away. A nice, rough fuck was fine, but heaven forbid he dare to try and make out with him. He took another drag, frowning as the cigarette burnt nearly down to the filter. He knew that the first rule of their relationship was _don't talk about it_, and he sure as hell knew that with a woman he'd never try and _talk about his feelings_, nor would he want to, but...this was different. He grunted and got up slowly, pinching the cigarette between his lips as he pulled up his pants, zipping up his fly slowly. He stepped into the bathroom and flicked the spent butt into the toilet, flushing it away.

Drake headed for the kitchen, hearing the tv on low in the living room. Had that been on the entire time? He couldn't remember. Everything was a blur with JJ around. He watched JJ at the kitchen counter, swaying slowly to the rhythm of some song on the stereo, currently combating with the TV for aural dominance. His eyes followed those skinny hips, that perfect, supple ass in those _tight_ jeans _calling_ to him. He cleared his throat, trying to hush away the distracting thoughts that always came about when he caught himself staring at JJ. He stepped closer, catching the scent of citrus, seeing two Coronas opened on the counter. He watched him deftly maneuver the knife, slicing through the halved lime easily, forming neat wedges as he slipped his broad hands around those bony hips.

He made a soft murmur of approval in JJ's ear, nipping at his bare shoulder.

"It's still cold." JJ said, a thankful tone in his voice, turning towards him.

"Good." He smiled and claimed a raised digit, the acidity of the lime sparking across his tongue as he suckled on two of JJ's fingers.

Again, JJ bit back a quiet noise, nibbling on his lip, before rescuing his fingers, and grabbing a beer, taking an eager swig. He picked up a lime and slid it down the neck before cracking open the pizza box and snagging a slice, topped with mushroom and sausage. Drake sighed gently and watched him head into the living room. He shoved a lime in his Corona and grabbed the box, bringing it to the couch. He sat against the arm of the couch, shifting and making a space for JJ, who settled in between his legs comfortably. Drake trapped his beer between his thigh and the couch before taking a slice of pizza that had unfortunately not stayed warm for himself. He bit off the tip and chewed thoughtfully, thinking about what to say. He balanced the slice of pizza on his knee, ignoring the haze of the flour on the crust transferring to his black slacks. He peeled a section of mushroom from its confine of cheese and nudged JJ with his shoulder, who tipped his head back to look at him.

Drake smiled softly, and dangled the slice of mushroom over JJ's mouth until it was plucked from his grasp. His heart skipped a beat when JJ nuzzled his chin in appreciation. Drake wasn't sure, but he was pretty convinced that when you ordered a pizza topped with mushrooms, despite the fact that you despise mushrooms, it's gotta mean something. Not half, either. A full pizza, contaminated with the taste of mushroom, just because _your_ best friend, your partner, your fucking lover loved them. He sure as hell would never have done that for _any_ of his exes. He swallowed the lump in his throat and fed JJ a few more, agonizing over what to say.

"Hey...I was thinking..."

"Uhhuh?" He murmured, chewing on his gifted mushrooms.

"I...really like...this." He coughed quietly, snatching up his beer and taking a gulp. He might have been willing to think about discussing this, however he never said it would be eloquent.

JJ laughed quietly and nodded. "I like..._this_...too."

"I mean...what we do..."

"Well, thank you. We do lots together too, so much variety." JJ smirked as Drake frowned.

"You know what I mean."  
"No, actually I can only infer." He said, taking a long drink of his beer.

Drake sighed gently, his brain failing as JJ peered down the neck of his Corona, sticking his finger in to dislodge the lime blocking the flow. "Whatever." He sighed gently and tipped his own beer back again before munching on his mushroom-less pizza.

JJ pretended to be asleep when Drake curled up against his back, soft lips brushing his shoulder. He waited until Drake's breathing fell into a steady rhythm before he let out the breath he'd been holding. A certain numbness lay in the pit of his chest, as he lay there. What had he gotten himself into, he wondered as he brushed his fingertips against the back of Drake's hand.

(to be continued.)

*coughs* Blame Daxemon, she made me do it. *halo* Also, sorry! I know I promised an update friday, except let's see I spent all day at the doctors (eye doctors are the worst...srsly and was walking around like a zombie coz i was all dialated) and honestly...well...i forgot what day it was. :B Also? Everyone needs to go rent or buy Repo! The Genetic Opera. It is my generation's cult classic. Er. well, some generation's...not sure if it's *mine* or not, per se, but...it's so amazing. And I want to do naughty things to Paris Hilton and her character. *coughs* yes, ahem. That is all. xoxo PriyaLaLita.


	3. Chapter 3

**To Have and Have-Not**

**Chapter 3.**

By: PriyaLalita

Drake awoke alone, to no surprise. JJ had this insane habit of going to the gym _before_ work, no matter what. He buried his face in JJ's pillow and sighed, the empty space beside him gnawing at him. He glanced at the glaring red numbers on the clock on JJ's side of the bed, reading 9:14 AM. As if on cue, he heard the door open and shut, JJ's key's clanking in the ceramic dish by the door, a wordless cry of _I'm home_. He rolled onto his back and yawned, stretching his arms out above his head, his shoulder popping noisily.

He made a grumpy little noise as JJ entered the bedroom, stripping off his sweatshirt, tossing it in the hamper.

"Morning." He said, keeping his eyes trained on the floor, shivering slightly.

"I still can't see how you can get up at _four_ to go to the gym."

"It's called discipline." He gave him a tiny smirk, rubbing his arms as Drake sat up and lit a cigarette.

"It's psychotic." He grinned, resting his elbows on his knees, cigarette bobbing in the corner of his lips.

"Whatever, that's why you have love-handles and I don't."

"Oh, low fucking blow." He winced as JJ smiled, walking past the bed. He reached out and snagged an arm around those skinny hips and pulled him into his lap, holding the cigarette up and out of the way. "You love my love-handles. Admit it." He grinned, shifting to pin him to the bed after stabbing the cigarette out in the ashtray by the bed.

JJ squirmed and tried to hide a smile. "Whatever."

"Don't whatever me, you Valley Boy." He leaned in and gave him a small kiss at the corner of his lips.

"Whatever, _what_ever, what_ever_." He said, trying to not laugh, giving him a playful shove, slipping out from under him. "I'm going to shower."

"You know you love it." He chuckled as JJ waved his hand dismissively, shutting the door behind him.

---

After a quiet breakfast, with quiet conversation they packed up and hauled out.

"So, where are we going tonight?" JJ asked, pressing the down button for the elevator, shifting the Louis Vuitton monogrammed messenger bag on his shoulder.

"I was thinking Skyview for dinner then Bellevue for drinks?"

"Alright. Sounds good." He said, stepping into the elevator, Drake on his heels. "Quinn and Ashima are coming, too, right?"  
"Yeah, if you want."

"What do you mean _if I want_?" He smirked, pressing the button for the lobby.

"Well, I meant it could be just us if you wanted." Drake frowned, nudging him. "Why are you being so snippy?"

"I'm tired." He said, as Drake rolled his eyes, opening his mouth to say something. "Don't even start on about the gym." He warned as Drake's mouth shut with a stifled laugh.

"C'mere." He said, wrapping his arm around his shoulder, kissing the top of his head. "I was just making sure you wanted to see them, that's all."

"Well, yeah, I haven't seen them in a while, it'll be nice to catch up. Not to mention, you're spending the night at their place to carpool to your Mom's tomorrow."

"Oh, yeah."

"Don't tell me you forgot."

"Didn't." He said as JJ sighed.

"You dork."

--

Thankfully it was a light day, a few interviews, some research, and a lot of paperwork. JJ paused and rubbed his temples, before reaching into the top drawer of his desk for some Excedrin. The second the tablets hit his tongue and he'd reached for his tepid coffee the door opened.

The Chief stood in the doorway and checked his watch.

"Parker, head out." He said with a huff.

"Hm? We've still got about this much more to process--" He replied measuring about 2 inches between his fingertips.

"Good, but Adams can finish it solo, you're already pushing overtime this week."

"So's JJ." He protested as Smith nodded.

"I know, but it'll take JJ two hours to do, as opposed to the both of you taking 5 more hours combined."

"You're cruel." Drake frowned as JJ finally tipped back his mug taking a quick swallow.

"Not a problem, sir." He said, receiving a nod.

The Chief lumbered off and Drake grumbled.

"Bastard. That's not fair."

"It's fine. It's what, 4:30 now? We were meeting Quinn and Ashima at 7?"

"Yeah."

"That's fine. I'll be done here by 6:30, and I'll meet you at the restaurant by 7, 7:15 the latest."

"Do you want me to leave my car since I drove?"

"I can take the subway, it'll be quicker anyway."

"Alright." He said, getting up slowly after rearranging some papers. "Call me when you're on the way?" He asked, shrugging into his coat.

"Yep. I'll call you when I leave and when I get to the subway." He smiled and looked back to to the computer screen.

"Thanks. Let me know if you need anything." He said, reaching out and smoothing his hair.

--

Drake went back to his place for what felt like the first time in weeks. He walked the six flights up, since, of course, the elevator was out of order. He sighed gently, inspecting the flecking paint on the handrail, the water stains on the ceiling and the dents and holes in the walls with annoyance. His building sure had nothing on JJ's. He felt so poor around him sometimes. He unlocked the door to his apartment and pushed with his shoulder. Of course the door was stuck again.

He looked over the expanse of the tiny studio apartment: the unfolded futon against the streaked, dirty windows shining wan light on the dingy sheets. It was so pathetic: books, magazines, cds, knickknacks stuffed in stacked up milk crates against the available wall space, plainclothes laundry in half-folded piles co-mingling with dirty laundry scattered across the floor, wrinkled suits hanging in the tiny closet on the uneven rod. The tiny tv sat on an overturned crate, surrounded by a handful of DVDs. He sighed again and dropped his backpack on the floor by the tv, stripping off his jacket and scarf, heading to the fridge.

There were some take-out cartons that looked like they were about to grow legs, some condiment packets, and one beer left. He grabbed the Bud and twisted off the cap before heading to his bed, taking a sip. He looked around at the mess and sighed, wondering for the first time in his life what on earth he was going to wear.

---

Drake huddled into his leather bomber jacket, scarf up around his neck, smoking a cigarette outside the restaurant. A slight nervousness gnawed at him as he waited for his brother, Quinn, and his wife Ashima. Quinn was three years older than JJ at 29, and the smartest of all the Parkers-- not just book-smart, but intuitive and analytical. Drake and Quinn had always been close, and unfortunately for Drake, he was awful at hiding things from his youngest brother. They hadn't spoken much, due to conflicting schedules, since he and JJ had gotten together and he was nervous because Ashima had already questioned their relationship months before that, hell, she'd asked if they were lovers nearly a year ago.

"Hey!" He heard, looking to see the two approach, Quinn in a black parka and Ashima bundled in a full length wool jacket with the fur trimmed collar up.

He waved and flicked away his cigarette, watching Ashima drop her hood.

"Drake! How are you?" She asked, enveloping him in a warm hug. "It's been so long."  
"I know, I know, things have been so crazy lately, but I've been good. And how are you? How's Dhani?" He asked, as she kissed his cheek.

"Wonderful of course. She's gotten so big, and all she's been saying is _'Where's Uncle Drake?'_ it's heartbreaking. I'm glad you'll be coming tomorrow. Besides, you know we miss you too." She smiled, as Quinn laughed.

"Speak for yourself, like I miss him?" He huffed, but was grinning, giving his big brother a hug.

"Fuck you too, man." He grinned slapping him on the back.

"Where's JJ?" He asked as Drake let go.

"Working late. He'll be here soon." He shoved his hands in his pockets. "Chief didn't want us both there getting overtime."

"Let's get a table; we can wait for JJ inside." Quinn said, noticing his wife shivering, wrapping an arm around her shoulders.

--

Drake's cell rang and he fished for it in his Jacket pocket.

"Hey." He said, after checking the caller ID.

"Hey, just got on the subway, so see you in 10 minutes or so?"

"Alright, we got a table. We'll wait for you."

"Thanks; tell Quinn and Ashima I'm sorry for being late."

"It's alright, we've got drinks, you'll just have to catch up." He grinned, feeling his cheeks warm, despite the lingering chill. "See you when you get here."

He looked up to Quinn and Ashima glancing between themselves.

"The look on your _face_." Quinn said, covering his mouth, with a stifled snort.

"What?" He said, instantly blanching.

"Oh, Quinn, I _told _you." Ashima said, cuddling up to her husband with a warm smile.

"Told him what?" Drake asked, as Quinn grinned.

"That she always knew you were a homo." He said as Ashima swatted him playfully and scolded him quietly in Hindi.

"No, I said I always knew that there was something going on between you two." She said as he rolled his eyes.

"You two are--"

"Drake, I have never seen you _blush_ before--"

"Shut up." He said, feeling his cheeks heat up again to his dismay.

"See!" Quinn grinned widely.

"Shut up." He growled again, Quinn trying to stop laughing.

"We're incredibly happy for you--"

He sighed noisily and shook his head. "Am I really that bad at hiding it?"

"Extremely." Quinn smirked, resting his chin on his fist. "How long has this been going on?"

"I don't know...we're not like...dating or anything."

"So, you're just fucking?" Quinn asked as Ashima piped up.

"And who's idea was that?"

"I don't know? It just kinda happened."

"And?"

"_And_ what?" He huffed as Ashima smiled.

"What you haven't...talked about it at all?"

"No, we haven't, we don't, and we won't, so _please_ just leave it alone." He shot them a pleading look, wanting to hide under the table.

"Oh, Drake..." Ashima said softly, reaching across the table and touching his hand in a kind gesture.

"Drop it." He hissed shrinking away. "Just drop it, please."

Quinn opened his mouth but closed it hearing a familiar voice.

"Hey! Sorry I'm late."

Drake turned and smiled up at JJ.

"It's all good."

"JJ! It's so great to see you, it's been so long! Fill us in!" Quinn exclaimed, then hissed in pain, as Drake kicked him under the table and Ashima reprimanded him in Hindi again.

JJ raised an eyebrow, a hand on his skinny hip. "What'd I miss?"  
"Nothing." Quinn said, getting up and kissing him on the cheek. "Glad you made it."

"I'm never going to understand your family." JJ said with a small laugh, kissing Quinn's cheek in return, then leaning over to Ashima. "How are you, sweetheart?"

"I'm wonderful!" She gestured for him to sit and JJ did, tucking his bag under the table.

Drake couldn't concentrate through dinner, between Quinn giving him looks across the table, and between JJ next to him it was torture.

"Are you alright?" JJ asked quietly, nose crinkled with concern.

"I'm fine." He smiled and nudged him affectionately, feeling himself blush again.

"Okay." JJ shifted and continued his conversation with Ashima and Quinn.

JJ snatched up the bill as it hit the table.

"I've got it, since you all had to wait." He smiled and reached into his back pocket for his wallet. "I insist." He said as Ashima smiled.

"Thank you, JJ. You're too sweet. I'll go with you to pay." She said, as Quinn cleared out of the booth.

"We'll wait for you outside. Drake? Can I bum a smoke?" He asked as Drake got up with a nod.

"Quinn Riley Parker, you promised that you'd quit." Ashima frowned as Quinn shot her a look, and she got the hint.

"Just one more, babe, sorry. Tomorrow for sure." He gave her a quick kiss and headed outside.

"Thanks, JJ." Drake said, giving his arm a little squeeze, following his brother.

"There's some major tension between you two." Quinn said around his cigarette, taking Drake's lighter from his outstretched hand.

"Again, with the not shutting up."

Quinn held the cigarettes between his teeth and grinned. "I said nothing during dinner, did I? But _major_ tension."

"Probably because you're being nosy, and we _don't talk about it_."

"Drake, that's not healthy."

"Didn't ask you." Quinn's mouth opened again. "Didn't. Ask. You." He grumbled, taking a deep puff off his cigarette. Quinn tried again but stopped as JJ and Ashima came out arm in arm.

"You ready?" JJ asked, as Drake nodded.

"Yes." He said, taking another pull on his cigarette.

(to be continued).

Sorry, long chapter, but it was that or a short chapter, or a weird break. I forgot to update again, but i had company and was in lots of pain. I'm also sick. I'm going back to bed now. :B

xo


	4. Chapter 4

**To Have and Have-Not**

**Chapter 4.**

By: PriyaLaLita.

Once inside the bar, a laid back Hell's Kitchen dive, a place Quinn and Drake had inhabited in their "younger days", Drake went to get the drinks, knowing he needed something to take the edge off.

"So, JJ, what have you been up to?" Quinn asked as JJ unwound his scarf from his throat.

"Working, mostly. It's been really crazy lately. We've both been maxed out on overtime for the past three weeks."

"Shit, that's rough."  
He nodded and tugged at the hem of his sleeve. "It is, but, we've been making progress at least. Our clearance rate is stable at least. What are you working on this semester?" He asked, as Quinn smiled.

"Still working at NYU as an Assistant Professor, in the Physical Anthropology department. I'm _hoping_ that by next year a spot in the CSHO will open to start some of my doctorate work."

"English, lovie." Ashima laughed quietly.

"Sorry, um, the Center for the Study of Human Origins. But, regardless, I'm having a great time, and Ashima is the consultant from the Museum of Natural History, so, it's very cool."

"It's incredibly interesting, I'm kind of jealous."

"I can't lie, it's really fucking cool," Quinn grinned happily, "But, I've been met with blank stares from most of the family since I learned to read."

"Are you calling me stupid?" Drake said, humorlessly, kicking the back of his chair, carrying a pitcher in one hand and a stack of plastic cups in the other.

"Not _you_, or Noah, for the matter, but Shawn? Jaime? Rob?" He laughed gently. "They still think that I'm some bizarre Indiana Jones rip-off."

"Oh my god, you mean you're not?" Drake asked with mock surprise, then snickered, sitting down next to JJ.

He poured out four beers and sat back.

"So, what are your plans for the Holidays, JJ? Are you heading back to Los Angeles to see your family?" Ashima asked as Drake frowned.

"JJ's working." He answered for him.

"Oh, how horrible." Ashima said with a little pout.

"I don't particularly mind. I don't feel like going back to L.A. and there are plenty of others who could use the day off."

--

Quinn cornered Drake again while Ashima distracted JJ on the other side of the bar, pouring another beer.

"You've been staring at him _adoringly _all night, Drakey." He said, as his brother winced. "Have you even _thought _about talking about dating? I mean, you two are dating without labels--"

"No."

"No, what?"

"No, it's _just_ sex. It's not _dating_. There's no romance involved it's _just sex_."

"So, you're going to tell me you don't want more?"

"It's not about what _I _want."

"But you _do_ want more." Quinn smiled. "You haven't even tried talking about it?"  
"I tried."

"And how did you word things?" He asked as Drake glared at him.

"I said something like _I like this_, _I like what we do,_ or something." He said, cheeks red as Quinn gave him a blank look.

"You're not even saying it to me and I want to fucking slap you."

"What? _What?"_

"Now, I know you're emotionally challenged, but, think about what you two currently do, and put that together with what you said."

"Just spit it out."

"You two _just_ fuck, right?"

Drake nodded shyly. "He won't even let me kiss him..."

"I don't blame him." Quinn rolled his eyes. "So, you told him you like how things are."

"That's not what I meant..."

"But it's what you said."

"But…"

"Well, tell him what you meant."

"I...I can't."  
"Why not?"

"Quinn...as much as I want to--"  
"Oh, so you're going to be a pussy?" Quinn tipped back his beer easily. "You're attracted to him, you, dare I say, love him, and you're going to say you can't because you're what? Scared?"

"I want to get married, I want a family, I want to be a part of my family still..."

"What did mom say when I came back from England with Ashima?" He asked, propping himself up on his elbow. "_Why couldn't you marry a nice white girl, right?_" He said, answering his own question, continuing. "Right...Does it bother me? Yes, it does, but it wasn't enough to stop me."

"This is a little different."  
"Yes and no. Tell me, are you going to be able to keep up like this?"

"Of course we can--"  
"Maybe. But are you willing to gamble that? You might be wrong." Quinn asked, looking out at JJ chatting with his wife across the room. "Marriage is a state of mind, and adoption isn't out of the question, you know."

Drake sighed and rested his forehead on his arms. "I _can't _tell him..."

"Yes, you can." He smiled and watched him lift his head, then punched him heartily in the arm. "Don't be a pussy." He looked away and grinned at his wife, who was approaching with JJ.

"Quinn, it's getting late, the babysitter needs us home by midnight." She said sadly, as they nodded.

"Ash, let's go pay the tab..."

"Um, hey, I'm gonna walk JJ to the subway, I'll meet you back here in like 15 minutes?"

"Oh, you don't have to walk me, it's fine."

"Nah, it's alright." He smiled at him and handed him his coat. "I want to."

"Okay..." He slipped into his coat, and wound his scarf around his neck.

JJ said his goodbyes, thanking them for the drinks and the company.

"Have a wonderful Holiday, JJ, even if you are working." Ashima said, kissing his cheek as she hugged him.

"Thank you, you too!" He smiled, and moved to Quinn.

"Be good, JJ, see you soon, alright?" He grinned and hugged him tight.

"Of course, be well."

Quinn shot Drake a look while JJ's back was turned, the two heading for the door, a silent warning to not chicken out.

-

Drake anxiously puffed on a Newport as they walked, his stomach fluttering around. He hunched into his jacket, frowning a little. It had started to snow, tiny flurries floating around in the chilly breeze. JJ's teeth were chattering loud enough for him to hear. He slowed down as they approached the steps leading down to the subway.

"Thanks for walking me." JJ said, with a slight smile. "Have a good time at your mom's."

"No problem, and I'll try."

"Drive safe." JJ added, arms crossed over his chest to try and hold his warmth in.

"Yeah, thanks..." He watched JJ smile again and turn to head down the steps. "Jem, wait."

JJ stopped, sidestepping a group of young women heading down. Drake took his arm and guided him to a spot along the wall of a building, out of the flow of the foot traffic.

"Jem, we need to talk." He cleared his throat nervously and rubbed his bare hands together trying to fend off the cold.

"What?" JJ said after a moment, shooting him a funny look.

"Um, okay...just _listen _to me okay, because I know this is going to come out funny."

"Okay?"

"What...are we doing?"

"Standing here freezing our asses off?" He answered, teeth chattering.

"JJ, seriously. I mean..._us_." He huffed, and shook his head. "I mean this has been great, really, really great, but..."

"Oh." JJ said simply, nodding slowly, leaning against the wall. "Don't worry, I get you, it was a really bad idea." He shrugged, looking down at his boots.

"Yeah—wait, _no_." Drake shook his head again and stepped closer to avoid a passerby. "No, JJ...I know that we agreed that this was _just_ sex, but I've really been thinking and I know you probably don't feel the same but...I want more."

"What?"

"I won't lie that I'm petrified about what it means, but I want more, I want to..."

Suddenly, JJ laughed, covering his mouth with his gloved hand.

"What?"

"You thought that I don't feel the same?"

"Well, I know how you won't let me touch you half the times--"

"I just thought it was habit...I didn't think you were serious." He grabbed Drake's hands, tucking them in the pockets of his Pea-Coat.

"Of course I'm serious." He sighed and huddled closer, touching his forehead to JJ's. "I'm sorry...you know I'm...what did Quinn say? Emotionally Challenged?"

"Very." He smiled and placed a gentle kiss on his lips as Drake's hands left the warmth of JJ's pockets and cupped his cheeks. He could feel JJ shiver at his touch, and couldn't quite tell if it was the cold or not.

"God...I've never been this happy and freaked at the same time, I never expected this to happen..."

"You didn't?"

"No. Wanted it to, but, wasn't sure it ever would..." He grinned and nuzzled his temple. "If you haven't already given away your time off...I'd love it if...if you'd..."

"Yeah?" He nudged him gently, wrapping his arms around his neck.

"I'd like you to come spend Christmas with me and my family—I know it's not your thing, and you hate Christmas, but, it just won't be the same without you there."

"So...is this your big coming out plan?"

"I don't know...I'm going to play it by ear..."

"Drake, I'm not sure...your mom, and a few of your brothers already don't like me too much, and it's so soon...I need to think about it."

"Of course...I understand." He smiled and gave him another kiss. "I just wanted to extend the offer, no pressure, or anything."

"Thank you." He buried his face into Drake's neck and inhaled the mingled smells—ivory soap, a dim hint of cologne, cigarette smoke, and the leather of his Bomber Jacket, all tangled with the delicious scent of his skin.

"Fuck...what time is it?" He asked, lips brushing JJ's ear, letting go of his lover only enough to let him fumble for his phone in his pocket.

"Mmm...11:30." He mumbled as Drake rattled off another string of curses.

"I gotta head back...God, I _don't_ want to go..."

"Sorry," JJ said, pouting a little as his leather gloved hand brushed his cheek. "You have to, though, you've skipped going to your Mom's for like three weeks now..."

"I had a good reason." He grinned and leaned in for one last kiss. "A very good reason."

"One of the weeks, sure." JJ smirked and disengaged, letting his hands fall to his side. "Alright, enough stalling...drive safe, and call me tomorrow."

"Nope." He shook his head, a playful smile on his lips as he walked him back to the entrance of the subway. "I'll just stop in on my way back into the city."

"Even better." JJ laughed quietly and kissed his cheek. "See you tomorrow then...now, scram, before you lose Quinn and Ashima a babysitter."

--

Drake couldn't wipe the grin off his face as he made his way back to the bar, puffing on another cigarette. It was everything he could do to not turn back and follow JJ home. The menthol tingled on his lips as he walked, weaving in and out of the various people enjoying New York City's nightlife. He rounded the corner quickly and stabbed out the butt in the ashtray by the door to the bar.

He cleared his throat and pressed his lips together, heading in. Quinn was sitting at their table, finishing off the last of the pitcher, Ashima sitting at his side, her slender hands tapping the back of the chair anxiously, watching the door.

Her face lit up when she saw him. "Drake! Well?! What did he say?!"

Drake watched Quinn twist and look over his shoulder, smiling. "Don't trust that face, he's fucking faking us." He nudged his wife affectionately with his knee. "Did you really think JJ would say no? We Parker men are irresistible." He laughed loudly as Drake smirked.

"Oh, Drake…" Ashima got up and hugged him. "I'm so happy for you."

"Shit, Ash it's nothing." He said, trying for a bashful look, which turned out funny seeing as there was a goofy grin on his face.

--

Quinn turned the key in the lock and pushed open the door to their apartment.

"Mama! Daddy!" Came the happy squeals and patter of bare feet, then an excited gasp. "Uncle Drake!"

Quinn opened his arms, ready for a hug, frowning as a tiny blur sped past him and tackled Drake's legs. "Sheesh, what am I? Chopped Liver?" He asked as Drake scooped her up and hugged her tight.

"Hey, Peanut, I missed you!" He gave her a big smooch on the top of her head and listened to her babble.

"Sorry, Mrs. Parker, she just wouldn't go to bed."

"That's okay, Jayne, I had a feeling she wouldn't."

-

Drake looked down at his niece, sleeping peacefully, thumb in her mouth, and he couldn't help but smile.  
"All afternoon, she kept asking when you'd be here." Quinn said quietly. "I knew she was going to stay up."

Drake carefully transferred her over to his brother, getting a grin.

"You're such a softie, you know." Quinn said as Drake scoffed.

"What are you talking about?"  
Quinn rolled his eyes and shook his head. "Never mind. You _know_, you just won't admit it."

"Whatever." He said, shoving his hands in his pockets, looking away as Quinn went to put Dhani to bed.

He wandered to Quinn's office to help Ashima set up the futon.

"She sleeping?" Ashima asked, slipping a pillow into the pillowcase.

"Yep. Can I help?"

"Nope." She smiled. "All done." She sat on the side of the bed and patted the space beside her. "_So?_ Details!" She said as Drake sat with a shrug.

"He thought I wasn't serious, I thought he wasn't serious…so basically we were just wasting our time, well, not I_ wasting_, but, you know."

"How romantic." She smiled, and he lay back across the bed, the top of his head brushing the wall.

"I invited him to come to our Mom's for Christmas."

"What did he say?" She asked, pulling her feet up under her.

"He said he'd think about it. I'm not sure why I asked him…I mean, I know why…but…"

"You're not sure if you're ready?" He nodded and sighed as she gave his hand a comforting squeeze. "You'll know…you've still got another week or so. Just tell Sheila that he's like on call, and you're not sure if he can make it. Regardless of your relationship you're not the type to let him spend the Holidays alone, Drake."  
"What if she says no?"

"She won't."  
"Ash, she already doesn't like him."

"She's met him twice, it took her half a dozen times before she would even _talk_ to me."

"Yes, but whether we keep this quiet or not it looks bad. Me, bringing my gay partner home for the holidays? It sounds like a movie plot."

"Then write the screenplay and get rich, love. You've brought him along with you enough times to make it somewhat common."

"Yes, but my mother has been on the warpath lately, I swear, I had ten voicemails in the past few weeks with various attempted blind dates. All her friends from Church's divorced daughters, and other chronically single volunteers." He frowned at Ashima who couldn't help but laugh. "I go through life under my mother's radar for 20 years, and but by the time I hit 25 I'd turned into the family Charity Case. _Poor Drake, he's so unloved, now it's time to give a shit, _it drives me up the wall." He groaned as she sighed.

"At least she cares; she wants you to be happy, Drake."

"I know…but she's going to stroke out when she learns about me and JJ."

"If she didn't when Quinn and I eloped she'll live through you."

"Yeah, well, Quinn's her _favorite_, he could do anything and still be an angel in her eyes." He smiled at her and sighed. "I'm just waiting for the fire and brimstone speech…"

"Drake…I don't know what to say, love, but you know Quinn and I love you no matter what." She smiled and kissed his cheek. "Now, go to sleep, you're going to wear yourself out with all this worrying."

"Alright…thanks for letting me spend the night."

"Anytime, you know that."

(to be continued).

Another long chapter…. Soooorrrry. Not really, but :P FLUFF. *coughs* yes. Fluff. Thank you for the well wishes as too, I am feeling almost human again. Enjoy. xoxo PriyaLalita.


	5. Chapter 5

**To Have and Have-Not**

**Chapter 5.**

By: PriyaLalita

Drake sat in the back seat of Quinn's Outback, letting Dhani play with his phone. They'd left at 2, and had been sitting on the LIE in traffic for at least an hour, slowly crawling along. There was a reason why Quinn drove, Drake decided, knowing that he'd be flipping out in this kind of traffic. He was aching for a cigarette but wouldn't smoke with Dhanistha in the car. And on top of it all, he missed JJ terribly, realizing that they hadn't been apart more than a few hours in nearly a month. He leaned his head back and thought about JJ, wishing he could fast forward to tonight and crawl into bed, met with sleepy smiles and dreamy kisses.

"Uncle Drake! It beeped!" Dhani giggled, showing him the screen with a little envelope on it. "Why beep?"

"I got a message," He explained, as she shook the beat up Nokia.

"What it say?" She asked, handing it over.

Drake punched in his pin to unlock the screen and opened the text. _Just saw the traffic report…hope you're not stuck. Have fun & see you tonight, xo, JJ._ He smiled and felt Dhani tug his sleeve again.

"What it say?" She asked again as he turned the screen to her and read it aloud.

"What's xo?"

"_Hugs and Kisses_." Quinn answered with a laugh. "How cute, Drakey."

"You hafta give Uncle JJ xo!" Dhani giggled, covering her mouth with her tiny hands, her green eyes shining.

"Yeah, Uncle Drakey, give Uncle JJ some hugs and kisses."

Drake glared at him in the rearview. "Don't be a smarta…" He stopped, not wanting to teach Dhani a new word that would inevitably get him in trouble.

"Who? Me?"

"Yes, you." Ashima said, squeezing her husband's knee. "Leave him alone, darling." She said as Quinn let out a dramatic sigh.

"Alright."

---

Drake lit a cigarette the moment they were out of the car, taking a deep breath of smoke to calm himself.

"Relax." Quinn said, nudging him as he walked past, carrying a 12 pack of beer and a grocery bag.

"Hey!" Rob called out, heading down the steps. "How about that traffic, huh?"

"Pretty bad." He admitted, taking a few more puffs before tossing away the butt.

"It's about time those bastards let you off, three weeks without a weekend off?"

He cleared his throat and nodded. "Yeah, it's been rough, lately, you know how things get around the Holidays."

"They just abuse you out there, you should really start thinking about transferring, out here, it's cake." Robert was a beat cop in Nassau County, after a few years in the NYPD.

"Yeah, get him away from that place ASAP. Seriously, I don't know what kind of shit they're running out there. It's like the fairy precinct or something. I mean, Dee's _alright,_ but, I don't get it." Shawn said, shaking his head. "Guess that leaves more for you, eh, Drake? What about that hot desk chick you guys have? What's her name? Janice?"

"Janet, and she's not my type." He said, swallowing the lump in his throat uneasily.

Shawn sized him up over the mouth of his beer, taking a long sip. Shawn was a beat cop on the upper West Side, and frequently expressed his dislike for Drake's Precinct. Drake, of course, always suspected jealousy as the root, seeing as how at 36, Drake had made detective and Shawn was 45 and still working the streets.

"What, have you started going for ugly chicks or something?" Shawn asked, Robert laughing along.

"No, she's kinda got a thing going on with Ted." He shrugged and caught Ashima's eye.

"Drake, can you take Dhani? I have no free hands." She smiled and he nodded, hastily retreating to the other side of the car.

"Thank you." He hissed as she unlocked the doors.

"No problem. I just wonder sometimes how you and Quinn came out so perfect coming from this family." She sighed as he shrugged and set to freeing Dhanistha from her car-seat.

"Xo from JJ!" She giggled, as he blanched, crouching down.

"Hey, Dhani, can that be our little secret?"

"Xo?"

"Just don't mention Uncle JJ, okay?"

"No JJ?"

"No JJ."

"Okay." She said, scrambling out of her car-seat, then grabbed his pants leg. "Up?" She pouted, looking at all the people milling around.

He was more than happy to oblige, scooping her up and grabbing her blanket, letting her hide under it, almost wanting to hide with her.

He headed inside, greeting various nieces and nephews playing in the yard along the way, Shawn and Robert having vanished inside.

"Drake Aiden Parker." He heard and immediately froze in the hallway, feeling like he was eight again.

"Hey, Ma." He said as his mother came in from the kitchen, brandishing a dishtowel in one hand.

"I understand you're working, but you could at least answer my calls."

"Sorry, Ma, I was busy."

"Well, it's your loss, Nancy Edwards' daughter, Moira is seeing Shannon Macadam's son, Bryce." She sighed, giving him a hug. "But, I hear that Imogene Tierney's daughter Shayla is moving back from Chicago, I think you went to High School with her, I'll talk to Imogene about setting something up for you two."

"Ma, no…Thanks but no thanks. Now's really not a good time for me…"

"What? You can't find an afternoon to have _coffee _with someone?"

"Not really, and I just don't have time for a relationship."

"It's just _coffee_, Drake, really, if it happens--"

"_Ma_," He said, feeling a headache start to build. "Thank you for the thought, but _no_."

"_Fine_, Drake, I'm just trying to help. Sorry if I don't want you growing old alone." She huffed, throwing up her hands.

"_Ma_." He nearly pleaded as she sighed.

"Well, how _have _you been?"

"Just fine, like I said before, working, a _lot_."  
"Well are you getting out and enjoying yourself at all?"

"Yeah, he is, Ma, he came out with JJ and us last night." Quinn offered, popping in from the kitchen, kissing her cheek.

"JJ?" Her mouth formed a frown as Quinn, with his back to her, winced.

"Yeah, he deserves a night out, too, you know." He said, taking Dhani from Drake, trying to find her under the blankets.

"Peekaboo, x-o!" She said, smiling as Quinn found her and gave her a big kiss on the top of her head.

"Say Hi to Grandma, princess." He said, pulling the blanket all the way down away from her face.

"Hi." She said bashfully, her thumb going into her mouth.

"Hello, Dannie," She said with a small smile as Ashima held back on reprimanding her mother-in-law about the pronunciation of her daughter's name; _Dah-ni_ not _Dan-ee_.

"Sheila, is there anything I can do to help with dinner?" She asked, distracting Mrs. Parker.

"Oh, well…the roast is in the oven…" She started, meandering back to the kitchen with Ashima.

Drake looked to Quinn and sighed.

"Can we go now?"

"No." Quinn answered, leading them through the kitchen.

--

They eventually settled in the living room in the front of the house with the rest of the guys, leaving the women in the kitchen and den, and the kids in the basement playing video games and hide and seek. Drake was currently listening to Quinn chatting with their oldest nephew, Thomas about this semester at Stony-Brook, keeping as low a profile as possible.

Brady, one of the older nieces at 17, wandered in and sat by them, yawning out of boredom, flipping open her cell phone and checking her messages.

"I hear you." He laughed as she looked up and nodded.

"This is _so_ lame, and where is Calleigh?" She huffed, leaning against the ottoman her brother was sitting on.

"Traffic was pretty bad, I can imagine it's worse coming from Jersey."

"Stupid traffic." She groaned, waving her phone in the air as if searching for a signal. "And it's Taren's week with her mom, so _she's _not here."

"Stop whining." Tommy said, rolling his eyes at his sister.

"Well I'm bored."

"Well go watch TV in the Den, or something." He suggested as the front door opened and the eldest of the Parker's entered, with a bark as a golden streak started running around the living room excitedly.

"Hello! Maggie! Here!" He whistled and the golden retriever padded back obediently, sulking a little.

Drake got up with Brady to greet them, smiling a little. Noah hung his coat in the closet and awaited the girls'. There were hints of grey peeking through in his light brown hair and his scruffy beard, making Drake smile.

"Taking a long vacation, I see?" He said, as Noah grinned, rubbing his whiskers.

"I'm seeing if the mountain man look works for me, what do you think?"  
"It's…" He paused, fishing for words.

"It's definitely screaming mountain man." Brady said, hand on her hip as Calleigh nodded.

"Totally."

"They're right, Noah, I can't imagine you walking into court like that either. It's a little Charles Manson…"

Noah's laugh echoed in the hallway as the three girls snickered.

Drake reached down and scratched behind Maggie's ears at the insistent tail thumping against his shin.

"Hi, Uncle Drake," Calleigh and Ainsley echoed, giving out hugs and kisses.

"How are you? How's school? Heard you got your license Cal, that's great, I'd let you take a spin in my car, but I rode with Quinn and Ashima. What's new with you, Ainslie?"

"I made the JV soccer team!" She piped up as he smiled.

"That's awesome. Send me a schedule of your games and I'll try and make one, okay?"

"Where's JJ?" Calleigh asked, looking around the living room as Drake fought the urge to blush.

"Oh, he's recuperating. It's been really crazy lately."

"Aw, he's fun, you should bring him more often." She said as Noah smiled.

Drake smiled politely and coughed nervously. "So, Noah, how's Jersey been?"

"I think your craziness is spreading into Jersey. It's been the worst lately, my caseload hasn't been this bad in years."

--

Drake had done relatively well at being invisible until dinner. He sipped on his Budweiser slowly, and took the basket of dinner rolls being passed his way. But the second the roll hit his plate…BAM.

"So, Drake, really? You're not dating anyone now?" Jaime asked, from across the table, passing the carrots to his wife, Rebecca.

"Oh, you're not with…Sally anymore?" Rebecca asked, having had to pause to think of her name.

"No, we broke up a while ago."

"I'm sorry, she was a nice girl."  
"Yeah, she was." He sighed, and focused back on holding the plate of sliced Pot Roast for Ainslie.

"Then there's no one else in the picture?" Shawn's second-wife, Elizabeth, asked.

"Oh, how sad…" Robert's wife, Kim, remarked as Mrs. Parker piped up.

"I keep trying to set him up with nice _Catholic _girls, but, he's always _'busy'_ he says."

"Busy? I bet Drake's just juggling more tail than he can handle--" Shawn said, laughing as Brady rolled her eyes.

"That is _so_ not true, Uncle Drake isn't a _pig_."

"He's a _gentleman_." Cal agreed as Robert broke out laughing too.

"Girls, haven't your dad's taught you the birds and the bees yet?"

"Dad says that's not polite talk for the dinner-table." Ainslie said matter-of-factly, as Noah nodded, and Drake wondered if the bowl full of gravy was deep enough to drown himself in; _after all, Poe died, drowned in a puddle, didn't he?_

"I think I'll agree with Ainslie, Drake's personal life is not dinnertime gossip." Ashima said, sticking up for him, balancing Dhani on her knee, feeding her a piece of carrot.

"Well, I'm just _saying_ that he's probably just out having fun, and making the rounds." Shawn said, pointing at Drake with his fork.

"Well, Drake, you're _thirty-six_, you'll be thirty-_seven_ in March, you can't be wasting time making the rounds."

"Ma, leave him alone." Noah said with a sigh. "So, Cal, have you told everyone what your decisions for your major are?" He asked, trying to change the subject.

"No, Daddy, but I'm torn between Police Studies and Forensic Science." She announced proudly, tearing off a piece of her roll. "I'm thinking about Forensics, but I'm not sure yet."

"Forensics? Why would you wanna be some Lab-Monkey? If you're not going to go into Law like your Dad and earn some buck, you damn well better protect and serve, make your Grandfather proud."

"Lab-Monkey?" Cal repeated, blinking. "I'd love to see you close a case without Forensics—oh! Wait. That's right, you don't work cases you hand them off to detectives." She smiled sweetly, as Shawn's face went bright red.

"Shawn…" Elizabeth said, quietly as he growled and focused back on his dinner.

Calleigh shot a smile to Drake and went back to her dinner, allowing her Father to shift the conversation back into calmer waters.

--

With full bellies and another beer their hands, a chorus of "Not-It's" rang out across the table from Shawn, Robert and Jaime.  
"You boys." Mrs. Parker sighed, with a laugh.

"It's alright, I'll help mom with the dishes." Drake volunteered as their respective wives got up and started gathering dishes. "I've got it," He smiled at some of the ladies. "Take the night off."

Drake stood at the kitchen counter, boxing up sets of leftovers for Noah and himself. He and Noah were the only "lone males" of the family, somehow inconceivable of being able to fend for themselves. Okay, so Drake was hopeless, but, Noah wasn't. Noah at least had a girlfriend. He groaned to himself and spooned some mashed potatoes into the Tupperware. He took a deep breath, looking over to his mother at the sink, fussing with some plates and platters. It was now or never, he knew he wouldn't get her alone for the rest of the night.

"Hey, Ma, I was wondering if I could bring someone this Christmas."

"Oh?" She looked over her shoulder and raised an eyebrow. "Who? I thought you weren't seeing anyone."

"Well, I wanted to bring JJ, I mean, if he's available, we're not sure if he's going to be off or not…" He said, and then the water at the sink turned on full blast, drowning him out.

He groaned aloud this time and sighed.

"Ma," He said, getting no reply, just watched her rinsing the dishes off. He stepped closer and shut the water off. "Ma, I'm serious…"

"Why?"  
"He's got no family in New York—"

"Well, why doesn't he fly home to…wherever he's from?"

"L.A."

"Figures," She said, rolling her eyes, reaching for the faucet again, but his hand rested back on the handle.

"He's got nowhere else to go."

"Well I don't see why he has to come _here_."

"He's my _partner_ and a very good friend of mine."

"I don't see _why_, Drake. Why do you keep surrounding yourself with _those people?_ I mean, Dee is a sweet man, he's just _confused_—"

Drake interrupted her with loud laughter, nearly doubling over at the thought of calling Dee _confused_ about his sexuality.

"Drake I don't find this funny. You know, people are starting to ask _questions_." She whispered the last word, like it was sinful. "Just the other day, Sheena Hennessey said that the reason why you keep doing this to yourself is some sort of repressed…" She couldn't finish, shaking her head. "I told her it wasn't true. It's not, is it?"

He hung his head and sighed; _come clean_ he told himself.

"No." He said, cursing himself. "Look, it's not that, okay? I just care about JJ a lot, as a _friend_ and I don't want him to be alone for Christmas. You're the one who was always taking in, what did you call them? _Strays_ for the holidays. It's the good thing to do." He said, finally pinning her with her own morals.

"Oh, Drake…"

"Mom, you're really over-reacting. JJ's not some little party-boy who's going to be dancing on the tables in his underwear like it's spring break. I want you to get to know him."

"I've met him before, Drake—"

"Yes, and you avoided him like the Plague. Give him a chance, please."

"Drake…"

"Please? For me?"

"Drake…Fine." She sighed, waving her hand dismissively.

"Thanks, Ma." He grinned and hugged her. "I'll know by the 20th whether or not he can make it."

(to be continued).

I am no longer apologizing for long chapters, haha. Haha I am drowning in homework and life right now. it's super major fail. On the plus side my cold is almost all gone. Best wishes. Please Read and Review, it makes me all happy and squishy inside. xoxo PriyaLaLita.


	6. Chapter 6

**To Have and Have-Not**

**Chapter 6.**

By: PriyaLaLita.

It was nearly ten by the time they got back to the city, and Drake had the craziest feeling of having just cheated certain death. He shifted his backpack on his shoulder and tapped his foot anxiously, waiting for the stop at West 9th. Finally the bus lurched to a stop, and he hurried off, walking briskly down 5th, and finally into JJ's building.

"Evening, Mr. Parker."

"Hey." He smiled and waved to the doorman and headed into the elevator after waiting for it to descend.

"Come on, come on…" He sighed, waiting for six.

After what felt like an eternity the doors opened and he almost ran to the end of the hall, slipping JJ's key into the lock. He tossed his keys into the bowl, kicked off his shoes, and dropped his bag in the hallway. The lights were dimmed, and he saw no sign of JJ in the living room or kitchen. He frowned and headed towards JJ's bedroom, the door ajar.

He smiled as he peeked in, seeing JJ curled up under the covers asleep. He knocked gently and crept in, watching him stir.

"Hey." He said, listening to JJ yawn quietly, cracking open an eye halfway.

"Mmm…hi." He purred, smiling sweetly, and peeking one hand out of the covers to curl a finger at him as if to say _come here_.

Drake grinned and stripped down to his boxers and t-shirt, slipping into bed happily, curling up against JJ's back, wrapping his arms around him.

"How was your mom's?" JJ asked quietly, tilting his head up to allow better access to the lips at his throat. The attention ceased at the sound of a groan.

JJ turned over and faced Drake, nuzzling his chin.

"That bad?"

"Well, my sex life became the topic at dinner and my mother was trying to set me up with a handful more divorcees and…" He groaned again, burying his face in JJ's hair.

"My god, your family is…" JJ sighed gently, stroking Drake's hair.

"But, she's okay with you coming for Christmas if you want."

"Really? What did you have to do for her to say that?"  
"Nothing…just played the guilt card."

"Good one." He laughed, then yawned.

"No kidding." He said, echoing his yawn. "It's only like 10:30, and I'm exhausted…I feel so old."

"You're not old. We've just been working extremely hard. Just go to bed." He smiled and snuggled down, tucking his head under Drake's chin.

"But I _missed _you." He whined playfully as JJ nipped his throat.

"I missed you too, but I'm still going back to bed." He yawned and draped his leg around Drake's thigh easily.

--

Drake awoke to an empty bed, groaning in annoyance. _Beds this big should never be empty_, he thought, rolling onto his back, scratching his stomach lazily. He looked towards the bathroom, hearing the sink going. _Good, _he thought happily, a smile coming to his face, then leaving as JJ, towel-clad hurried to the dresser.

"Don't tell me you're going to the gym on our day off." He grunted as JJ turned, holding the towel up loosely with one hand.

"Day off? Didn't I tell you? I'm in for training today."

"Training? What kind of training."

"SWAT." He said, letting the towel drop before turning and finding a pair of boxer-briefs and slipping into them.

"What?" Drake whined, sitting up slowly. "What time is it?" He asked, looking to the clock. "It's only six."

"Gotta be there by seven."

"So we've got forty-five minutes." He grinned as JJ stopped what he was doing and hid a smile.

"You're too much." He sighed and laughed at the same time, opening the closet and pulling out a pair of charcoal slacks and a dress shirt.

"Seriously, this was _our _day off. They're overworking you, this is ridiculous." He said as JJ frowned.

"I'm sorry, there's nothing I can do." He threw the clothing on the foot of the bed and sat at Drake's feet. "I'm sorry, baby…" He pouted, trying to wipe the frown off Drake's face. He crawled a little closer and placed a little kiss at the corner of his lips.

Drake laughed softly and pulled JJ into his lap, kissing him fully on the lips.

"Do you really have to go?" He asked moving to his neck, nibbling along the line of his shoulder.

JJ shivered happily and leaned into Drake's hands that were trailing down his back. He shook his head after a second and nodded.

"Yes, I have to go." He chuckled softly and pulled away as the wandering hand strayed beneath the towel.

"This is so unfair."

"You think I'm happy about this?" He sulked sitting on the opposite end of the bed, pulling on his pants and shirt.

"I think you're jumping for joy." He teased, flopping back against the pillows.

"Sure." He huffed and tucked his shirt in. "I'm scheduled until 5, I'll try and be home by six. I'll pick up dinner on my way. There is food in the fridge, I went shopping yesterday, have whatever you want."

"I don't want food, I want you." He pouted as JJ laughed and leaned over, kissing him softly.

"I'm sorry…I'll call you later." He said, grabbing the duffle bag by the end of the bed.

"Have fun."

--

Drake spent the day _alone_ in bed, and on the couch lazing around and goofing off. He didn't _want_ to sulk, but, really, he'd had _plans_ for today; albeit those plans were rather simple and boiled down to stay in bed with JJ and fuck until they couldn't move, but a plan nonetheless. He glanced at the clock on the wall, _nearly noon_, and still no call from JJ. He knew he wouldn't call, it was nothing personal, but he knew that when JJ was working, especially training he focused intensely. He dug further into the bag of chips and sighed, flipping between _Jerry Springer_ and _The Price is Right_ before he remembered that JJ had cable. He groaned and stretched out on the couch, licking the salt off his fingers, flipping past the basic few channels finally.

--

Drake jerked himself awake at the sound of the door shutting quietly, hearing a drawn out sigh. He sat up slowly and rubbed his eyes, hearing JJ fussing in the hallway, undoubtedly bouncing off the wall trying to get his boots off. He yawned loudly and got up, heading around the couch to see JJ drag himself in, still in his pieces of his SWAT garb, the dark military issue pants, and matching shirt.

"Hey…you look…" He winced and watched JJ strip off the outer shirt, crumpling it into a ball. "If training wore _you_ out like this I'd hate to see the other guys." His concern was affirmed as JJ simply dropped the uniform shirt on the floor, something he'd never do.

"Shit, I forgot dinner." He said with a sigh, turning around, Drake chasing after him.

"Don't worry, we'll order in." Drake said, kissing his cheek.

"I'm sorry…It was just such a rough day, and I have tomorrow too."

"_Tomorrow?_" Drake asked, as he wrapped his arms around his shoulders, pressed up against his back, trapping him, effectively preventing him from going back out for food. "What about our shift?"

"The chief cleared me. You'll be working with Ted, Marty's on vacation."

"This sucks."

"I know, I'm sorry." He whined quietly, leaning back against him. "I'm going to go take a bath…order whatever you want for dinner, you know the drill for delivery."

"Alright…what do _you_ want?" He asked, not allowing him to move.

"I don't know…I'm just _starving_." He said, and squeezing his arms before slipping out of his embrace. "Surprise me." He smiled, heading to the bedroom.

"Okay. I'll be in, in a couple of minutes to make sure you don't fall asleep and drown in the tub." He grinned as JJ tossed his undershirt at him, laughing.

-

Drake sat on the vanity chair, playing with JJ's hair, his eyes traveling across the expanse of frothy bubbles to the end of the tub where one of JJ's feet rested on the rim, his dainty toes flexing as he spoke.

"So, why did they make you do this again?"

"Retraining exercise, it's been five years since I was trained at the LAPD." He sighed softly, sinking deeper into the tub. "Five years…I can't believe it, really…"

"You're telling me…" He said, reaching in, fishing for JJ's hand, twining his fingers around the soapy digits. "I saw my nieces and nephew yesterday, Thomas is starting his second semester at college, Calleigh is on her way, Brady is close behind…" He sighed. "I changed their _diapers_."

JJ's fingers squeezed his comfortingly.

"I mean, Cal, she's decided she's going for Forensics, or is going to become a cop…" He laughed softly. "Another Parker in the NYPD? I can't wait to tell the chief, he'll probably want to hire her and fire me."

"No, he wouldn't." JJ said, reaching up and brushing his soapy fingers against Drake's stubbly cheek. "You are a great cop, Drake. The chief may be a grouch and berate you, but if he was ever faced with a decision of you or anyone else, I know he'd pick you." He smiled up at him.

"Yeah, yeah." Drake said, shaking his head in embarrassment.

"I still can't believe I'm here…" JJ said, sitting up in the tub, curling up as much as he could to stay submerged. "I go from being an Los Angeles party-boy who becomes a New York party-boy, and ends up in the Police Academy…it's odd, isn't it?"

"Write the screenplay and get rich." Drake said, reminded of what Ashima had told him the other night.

JJ laughed quietly and flicked water at him. "I already am rich." He stuck out his tongue and cupped his hands, pouring water down his exposed upper arms, shivering a little.

"Yes, you are." He kissed the top of his head and got up at the sound of the buzzer. "I got it, and hurry up before you freeze."

"Thanks, be out in a few." He grinned and sunk back into the water.

Drake pulled on some pants (always a good idea) and a hoodie, cramming a thirty bucks in his back pocket before shoving his bare feet in his sneakers. He headed down to the lobby to meet the delivery guy, hands shoved into his sweatshirt pockets.

"Thanks for waiting," He said, smiling at the man carrying their bag of food, who looked grateful for the warm lobby. He fished the 20 and the 5 out of his pocket and handed it over. "Keep the change." He told him, smiling wider, taking the bag. "Happy Holidays." He added, receiving a _thank you_ and watched the delivery man head out.

"You and Mr. Adams have the right idea tonight!" The Desk clerk, Michelle, commented, grinning sweetly. "It's so cold out! Weatherman said it was gonna snow! A nice night in is the way to go."

Drake blushed a little and nodded. "Yeah."

"Say, is Mr. Adams alright? He looked pretty beat."

"Oh, just a long day. Just standard retraining."

"Well, he's got you to pamper him! He's so lucky to have a guy like you." She sighed softly, with a giggle. "You know what they say, though."

He blinked and shook his head. "No? What do they say?"

Michelle giggled again. "You _know_, they're either gay or taken!"

Drake went red and coughed nervously. "Oh. _That!_" He smiled in embarrassment and cradled the bag of food. "Well, have a good night, and be careful in the snow." He waved and bailed, making a beeline to the elevator.

He groaned and realized that he forgot his key, and knocked on the door, hoping JJ was out of the bath.

"Coming." He heard from inside, the echo of JJ's bare feet on the hardwood floors. He shifted the bag against his hip and listened to the lock turn.

"Delivery." He smiled and watched JJ laugh and shake his head.

"Dork." He said, retreating to the kitchen.

"Just so you know, the desk girl said you're _so lucky_ to have a guy like me." He retorted as JJ waved his hand.

"Sure I am." He said, flashing him a sweet smile to accompany the sarcasm before taking the bag from him and peeking inside. "What'd you get?" He asked, then started digging in the bag and pulled out a pint of Wonton Soup, and a carton each of Orange Chicken, Tofu with Mixed Veggies and Roast Pork Lo Mein. "Thank you." JJ said, smiling and pecking him on the cheek, opening one of the various kitchen drawers and producing two pairs of chopsticks.

"Really? I go out of my way and you're going to embarrass me with chopsticks?" Drake frowned as JJ rolled his eyes and grabbed a fork.

"Practice makes perfect, but fine, be lazy." He said, gathering up the various cartons. "Grab bowls for the soup please?" He asked, heading to the couch.

--

"I'm so stuffed." JJ groaned, pinching some more Lo Mein between his chopsticks and guiding it to his mouth.

"Then why are you still eating?" Drake asked, poking his stomach with a smirk.

"I'm still hungry." JJ said as if Drake had asked a stupid question, managing another bite of Lo Mein.

"I don't understand how you can eat so much."

"I think I'm making up for my teenage years I spent living off Diet Pills and Vodka." He laughed, shifting against Drake, his back leaning against his side, legs stretched out taking up most of the couch.

"Whatever the reason, I think you could give that Asian guy who eats all the hot dogs a serious run for his money." He commented as JJ made a fake (?) gagging noise.

"You couldn't do anything to make me eat one hot dog, let alone 4 dozen of them."

"You _seriously_ won't eat hot dogs."

"Do you have any idea what's _in_ a hot dog?"

"I…try not to think about it." Drake laughed quietly as JJ sat up, shifting to sit on his knees next to him, tossing the empty container onto the coffee table with the others.

"It's all the parts of the pig that you'd never eat if you knew—hearts, snouts, ears—"

Drake clamped a hand over JJ's mouth. "Hey, no matter how I feel about you, I will _not _let you take hot dogs from me." He said sternly, JJ's muffled laughter tickling his palm.

"Bologna is the same thing!" He said as Drake shrugged.

"Bologna I can live without." He admitted, leaning into JJ, pressing him back onto the couch. "I'm still freaked that you won't eat hot dogs…" He sighed, shaking his head, wrapping his arms around JJ curling up with him as JJ stretched his legs out and groped for the remote.

"Honestly, I'm surprised that's the only thing you're freaked out about right now." JJ admitted, as Drake laughed nervously.

"Shh, I'm deflecting."

(to be continued).

Midterms. Need I say more? I've been...highly uninspired lately. Make me feel warm and fuzzy and leave me fabulous reviews. Especially all you lurkers *laughs* You all know who you are :P

Best wishes, lovies.


	7. Chapter 7

**To Have and Have-Not**

**Chapter 7.**

By: PriyaLaLita.

Drake awoke to the smell of fresh coffee and again, an empty bed. He was beginning to hate mornings even more, he decided, slowly making his way out of bed. He lumbered into the kitchen, yawning and running his hand through his messy sandy blondish hair, spying JJ at the stove.

He came up behind him, wrapping his arms around his shoulders, pressing up against his back.

"Morning." JJ said, a sleepy slur still lurking in his voice, tilting his head to allow access to the lips at his throat, received a grunt from his partner. "I need my arms back, or I'm going to burn the eggs." He said, kissing his cheek, feeling him let go grudgingly, shifting his grip around his waist.

"Can't we call out today?" Drake groaned, swaying gently, his hips pressed against JJ's lower back, gently nibbling at his ear.

"No, we can't. If I don't finish this training session I'll lose my certification, and if I lose my certification, I have to re-certify in New York."

"So?" He sighed as JJ moved the eggs in the pan.

"Well, if I have to re-certify I get removed from the team's stand-by."

"_So_?"

"Do you know how long the list to just be on stand-by is?"

"Long?" He frowned, sighing gently, letting go after JJ shimmied his hips, moving to plate the scrambled eggs. JJ smiled and pointed to the coffeepot.

Drake retreated and poured himself a cup, uncovering the small bowl and dropping in a sugar cube, then a dash of half-and-half from the little miniature pitcher. He watched JJ grind fresh pepper over the eggs and add a pinch of salt before transferring two strips of bacon each from a separate pan. Drake turned and snatched two English muffins from the toaster, setting them down on the sides of the plates.

"Thank you for breakfast." He said, smiling a little bashfully, kissing JJ's temple.

"Well, you got dinner." He grinned and took his plate, sitting down at the breakfast bar. "Bon Appetite."

Drake took JJ's mug from the counter and refilled it before joining him.

Drake ate quietly, wondering about the day ahead. He hadn't thought about what to do at work.

"Jem?" He said, poking at a piece of egg with his fork.

"Yes?" He answered, looking up from the New York Times, his blue eyes shining.

"Um, about us…"

"_Yes?_"

"I'm not sure if…" He paused and pushed another piece of egg around on his plate in a small circle. "I don't know…I…"

"You want to keep this quiet?" JJ asked, an expressionless look on his face, an eyebrow raised, chin resting on his fist.

"For now…" He sighed, and placed his fork down. "I really am serious about this, I am, but…"  
"You're not ready to go public, I understand. I do, really, I do." He smiled and gave his hand a little squeeze. "I'm okay with it, we'll take it slow."

Drake let out a tiny sigh of relief and had leaned in for a kiss before he realized it; this was all so natural. "You're too good to me." He said, as JJ grinned.

"Ah, you deserve it." He replied, going back to his breakfast.

---

Drake leaned over two blocks away at a red light and gave JJ a kiss, catching him quite off guard.

"What was that for?" He asked, laughing, and reaching over, taking Drake's hand.

"It was a goodbye kiss, in advance." He said, sweeping his eyes back to the road, raising JJ's hands to his lips, kissing his knuckles.

"I see." JJ said, leaning over and kissing him again on the lips.

---

Drake headed up the stairs, to the precinct stopping in the break room for a cup of coffee.

"Hey, man, long time no see." He heard, craning his head to see Dee in the doorway.

"Hey, how are you…? Yeah, JJ and I have been on nights, and days…"

"At the same time? Figures." He smirked and poured himself a cup. "How's shit going for you? Seen Sally lately?" He asked as Drake winced.

"No, we broke up like four months ago." He said as Dee frowned.

"Sorry, man."

"How are things for you? How's Ryo? And Bikky?"

"They're great. Bik's doing good, really close to getting that Basketball scholarship, which is gonna help Ryo and I a _lot_." He said, taking a sip of the bitter coffee.

"That's great."

"We're headed out to Ryo's Aunt's for the Holidays…So, really, Drake, alone for the holidays?"

"Well, no…JJ's alone too, so we keep each other company and we're going to my parents." He said, leaning against the wobbly table, testing the waters.

"Drake, why do you bother with him, really?"

"Huh?"

"He's so not worth your time, he sees you more than I do."

"What are you talking about? Of course I see him all the time, he's my _partner_, the same way you see Ryo all the time…"

"Well you don't _have_ to hang out with him twenty-four-seven." He said, wincing as he took another sip, reaching for a sugar packet.

"Well, I enjoy hanging out with JJ. He's fun." He shrugged as Dee rolled his eyes.

"Whatever." Dee tore the corner off the packet with his teeth and dumped the sugar in his coffee. "So where is Tinkerbelle anyhow?"

"What?" He frowned, not enjoying this discretion thing as much as he'd thought he would. "He's training for SWAT…"

"Awesome. First time on shift together in ages and he's not here, life is beautiful." He grinned and slapped Drake on the back, making his exit. "Catch you later, man."

-

Drake headed back to his office, in a pretty grumpy mood thanks to Dee.

"Dude!" He heard as he opened the door, seeing Ted, flaming red hair sticking up in every which direction sitting behind JJ's desk, feet up on the surface. His feet hit the floor and he got up, all smiles. "It's been _forever_! How've you been!" He grinned and gave him a half-hug.

"Great, and you?" He smiled, taking a seat at his desk.

"Couldn't be better!" He plopped down in JJ's chair and spun around. "What about you? How are the ladies? How hard is it to juggle your adoring fans?" He winked as Drake laughed.

"I've suspended the hunt, my life's a little too crazy right now…" He said as Ted grinned.

"Can't say I'm not happy to hear that, man, it leaves plenty more for me!" He said, lifting his coffee mug.

"Oh, you've got no idea…" He muttered, with a quiet laugh, looking up and squinting to read Ted's Mug: _2QT2BSTR8: Too Cute To Be Straight._ He chuckled aloud, pointing at the mug.

"Oh, yeah, I couldn't find mine, so I borrowed JJ." He grinned sheepishly and pointed to the logo. "I am too cute to be straight, but, just call me God's gift to women."

Drake couldn't help but laugh, Ted always put him in a good mood.

(to be continued).

Went easy on you this week. Next Chapter gets a lil heavy if you know what I mean *halo*

Yeah. This semester fucking sucks. I say we bomb it. Figuratively of course. Failsohard.

Hope you all are well; best wishes.


	8. Chapter 8

**To Have and Have-Not**

**Chapter 8.**

By: PriyaLaLita.

**Warnings:** Not work-safe! Sex Scene ahead.

Drake Parker was getting very fed up with this schedule. He and JJ couldn't seem to get more than 10 minutes alone together for the past week and a half. Even when they were together they were so busy they didn't have a minute to themselves. He pulled his car into the parking garage of JJ's building, sighing gently. It was past One AM and he was finally off shift, JJ had gotten a call close to eleven, and had only gotten a text that he was heading home. He parked JJ's BMW in his spot and headed up, backpack over his shoulder.

He waited outside the door for a second, hearing the TV on, considering it a good sign. He was always worried about JJ after a call, especially when he didn't know the outcome. He took a deep breath and unlocked the door, letting himself into the hallway, going through the routine: keys in bowl, Jacket on the coat-rack, followed by scarf, dropped the backpack on the floor and kicked his shoes off.

"Hey." He called out, tugging at his tie, heading into the living room. He got a small wave from JJ on the couch, hearing ice clink in a glass. He leaned over the back of the couch and kissed the top of his head, dropping his tie on the floor. "How are you?" He asked as JJ shrugged, tilting his head back, Drake leaning down again, placing a kiss on his lips.

Drake hopped over the couch, with a protesting noise from JJ.

"Oops." Drake said, as JJ transferred his drink from his left to his right hand, inspecting the wet spot on the stomach of his white t-shirt. He pulled JJ closer and took his left hand, licking his fingers clean; _vodka_, he decided, and noticed the half-full bottle. "So, are you mourning or celebrating." He asked, receiving another shrug, JJ's head nestling against his shoulder, bringing the glass back to his lips. "I see." He said, draping his arm around JJ's shoulders, his hand resting against his hip. Drake scrunched his nose, and reached for the bottle, taking a small swallow with a wince. He sighed and looked to the TV, watching some sort of antiquated party. "What are you watching?"

"Meet Me In Saint Louis." JJ answered, tipping back the last of his glass for the last of the vodka, and started chomping down on some ice.

"Huh?" He asked, trailing his fingers along the gap between the waistband of his sleep pants, and the hem of his shirt.

"It's _classic_…" He pointed and fished for another piece of ice. "See, Judy Garland."

"Aah…" He mumbled, taking another swig, keeping the bottle out of JJ's reach.

Drake watched quietly, wondering if JJ had fallen asleep, out of vodka and out of ice, his breathing steady. He watched Judy Garland accept Truitt's proposal, and head in the house. He couldn't help but admire the gorgeous southern architecture, and the classic sensibilities. He smiled to himself as Judy Garland began to sing _Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas_…thinking to himself _So that's where this song came from…_ He sighed gently and rested his cheek on the top of JJ's head, letting his eyes drift shut for a second before he heard a quiet sniffle, and felt JJ shift. He raised his head and watched JJ hastily rub his eyes. He laughed quietly and shifted to look at him better.

"Aw, you're crying."

"Am not." JJ growled, trying to sit up, wiping the other eye. "I lose queer points if I don't cry about Judy Garland—"

"You so are, and you said you _hate_ Christmas, you are _so_ full of shit!" He said, keeping a grip around his waist, still laughing.

"Shut the fuck up." He huffed as Drake laughed harder.

"It's cute—" He started, but got an elbow in the ribs, making him let go of JJ, who stormed into the bedroom, slamming the door.

Drake sat there blinking, rubbing his side in confusion.

"What did I do?" He asked aloud, answered only by Judy Garland's contralto voice. Apparently, he'd done something wrong. He sighed gently and reached for the vodka bottle, taking a final sip. He slowly got up and trudged to the shut bedroom door, leaning against the frame.

"Jem…" He huffed, knocking on the door. "I'm coming in."  
"Don't." Came the muffled reply.

"Please, I'm…sorry."  
"Fuck you."

He sighed and opened the door a crack, peeking in to see a lump under the covers that he assumed was JJ.

"Jem…" He said, coming in and getting closer, feeling the edges of the human sized mound to see what was where, eventually finding his head. He sat on the bed and leaned over, nuzzling where his head was.

"Jem, I'm _sorry_…I didn't mean to laugh at you."  
"Yes you did. Now leave me alone."

"No, will you stop sulking like a baby."

"I'm not being a baby." JJ objected, pushing the comforter down to a bit, tucking it under his chin. "And I am not sulking." He growled, curling up tighter.

Drake sighed and lay down beside him, draping his arm around his chest. "Jem, I'm so sorry…I'm an asshole…"

"You're a whole ass." JJ mumbled, squirming a little, but not enough to throw him off.

"Yes, I'm an asshole, a whole ass, and everything else you can throw at me." He held him tighter and nuzzled behind his ear. "I didn't mean to laugh at you…it's just…habit…"

"Habit?" JJ scoffed as Drake nodded.

"I just…I'm not entirely used to this yet…"  
"What's _this?_" He asked, rolling his eyes as Drake chose his words carefully.

"The guy thing…Let me finish." He said before JJ could interject with something snarky. "I'm _comfortable _with this, I am _very_ comfortable with you…I just…kind of get a little mixed up sometimes, you know? I have _six_ brothers, Jem, someone cries you punch them, one of the guys cries you tease them."

"Well you're a pig."

"I'm sorry, but it's akin to being raised by wolves, I swear. I'm sorry…I'm trying to find the balance between one of the guys and _not_ one of the guys…"

"Sure. Just shut up, I'm tired." JJ said, squirming and burying his face in his pillow.

"Jem…" He sighed and rested his forehead at the nape of JJ's neck. "You're pretending."

"I'm ignoring you."

"Jem—"

"Keep this up and you're on the couch." JJ said humorlessly as Drake groaned and shut his mouth.

He lay there, with JJ pretending to sleep, thinking of a way to get JJ to forgive him. He slid his hand down JJ's arm, meeting a closed fist instead of an open palm.

"So…" He started, laughing softly to himself, his fingers tracing small patterns along the back of JJ's hand. "I've never told anyone this before, but when I was a kid, you know how the Wizard of Oz was played annually? Well, every year I'd watch it, because my dad worked nights, and I _begged _my mother to let me watch it. See, my dad said it wasn't a _boy's_ movie, and he wouldn't let any of us watch it… So, one night when I was seven, I didn't realize my Dad had switched shifts for someone and he comes home right when Dorothy and the Lion fall asleep in the Poppies." He said, feeling the tension in JJ's shoulders fluctuate. "So, he's furious and knocks me around a little, grounds me for a month." He cleared his throat and worked his fingers between JJ's loosening fist. "So, fast forward, my Dad's been dead for like over 5 years and I'm babysitting Quinn, who's 10, and Callie who was like 2 or 3 and it was around Thanksgiving and it was on. And we get to the spot with the poppies and all I could think about was _Oh, Shit, is he going to walk in_." He smiled on the nape of JJ's neck. "So, there you go, I have my own Judy Garland story… Sort of."

He said, waiting, eventually feeling JJ twitch and slowly roll over.

"I'm sorry." Came the quiet whisper, and a gentle sigh.

"Why? My dad? He was all bark really, honest."

"Not that…well, yes, that…but I'm sorry I snapped at you…I'm just so stressed out lately—"

"I know…" He said as JJ shook his head.

"No, today was just…awful."

"I'm sure…"

"I'm sorry I hit you." He said, pushing down the comforter with difficulty, Drake scooting off the bed for a second to aid him.

"You have very sharp elbows, you know…" Drake said, slipping back into bed, pulling up his shirt, pointing to a red mark on his ribs. "You should kiss it better, otherwise my feelings might be hurt too." He grinned as JJ's pout turned into a smirk. He leaned forward and pressed his lips against Drake's ribs. "It still hurts." Drake whined, JJ's lips dancing around where the point of his elbow hit, his tongue darting out against his flesh, trailing upwards to flick across Drake's nipple. Drake chuckled quietly.

"Come here…" He whispered settling on his side, pulling JJ closer til they were nose to nose. "Hi." He said, bumping noses.

"Hi." He whispered back before Drake's lips brushed against his. Drake smiled to himself as he kissed JJ, listening to his partner's breathing quicken, feeling his pulse thud faster against the fingertips resting at his throat.

"I like how you apologize…" He purred, slipping his free hand down JJ's side, gripping his hip gently, giving him a playful squeeze. "Hey…"

"Y-yeah?" He whispered shakily as Drake's hand slid up his chest, his fingers gently rolling his nipple between them.

"We just had a fight." Drake suggested between kisses, draping his leg around JJ's thigh. "Are you thinking what I'm thinking?" He asked, tightening his grip with his leg to bring their hips closer together, listening to JJ's breath shudder in excitement.

JJ's hand cupped his cheek, pulling him into another kiss, smiling against his lips, sliding his hand back to play with the hair at the nape of his neck. Drake's mouth opened eagerly allowing JJ's tongue entrance, as he moved his hand across JJ's back, holding him close.

Drake was intoxicated by the wet sounds of kissing, mingled with heavy breathing, the swish of the sheets and the beautiful hushed sound of skin on skin. He kissed JJ's bottom lip slowly before trailing along his jaw, running his tongue along the pulse jumping rapidly in his throat. JJ let out a soft moan, tightening his grip on Drake's hair as teeth scraped playfully against the junction of his neck and shoulder.

Drake smiled, pleased with himself as he tipped JJ onto his back, hovering over him, JJ's leg hooking around the back of his thighs. He cupped JJ's face in his hands and leaned down, pressing their foreheads together.

"JJ I…" He whispered, panting as JJ kissed him.

"Shh." He smiled and wrapped his arms around his neck loosely.

Drake laughed quietly and went back to kissing his throat, well aware of the scattered marks he was leaving. He dropped his hands around JJ's hips, grabbing the hem of his t-shirt inching it up slowly, sliding his palms up the spans of JJ's torso before removing the shirt. He kicked off the comforter a bit more, dipping his head to JJ's collarbones nibbling along the curve of the bone, one of JJ's hands sliding down to grip his hips. Drake laughed softly claiming his lips again.

"I knew you loved my love-handles." He teased as JJ grinned giving his hip a little squeeze.

"I do, you got me, I'm a chubby-chaser—!" He yelped as Drake reached down and pinched his ass.

"I'm just still amazed you _have_ an ass with how skinny you are." He noted as JJ ran his fingers through his lover's hair, smiling.

"Less talking, more touching." He told him, meeting him for another kiss as Drake's hips pressed against his, gasping into his mouth.

Drake laughed and kissed a line down JJ's sternum and below, heading south, nuzzling his belly button. JJ scooted up, propping himself up on his elbows, meeting Drake's stormy grey eyes. Drake kept looking up at him as he placed a kiss in the hollow of JJ's hipbone, at the grip of the pistol tattooed on JJ's hip, moving down the barrel to the muzzle, along the scripted words: _Happiness is a Warm Gun_. He slipped his fingers under the waistband of JJ's sleep-pants, kissing the star under his navel before easing JJ's pants down his hips and off.

Drake took a deep breath, sitting up a little, feeling his face heat up as he stared down at JJ. He licked his lips and slowly brought his head down, listening to JJ stifle a gasp as his mouth covered the tip of his penis. He took a deep breath and took a moment to relax, feeling JJ's hand brush his cheek. He smiled and kissed JJ's palm before taking JJ into his mouth again, concentrating on what to do, having never touched JJ like this before. Drake slid down as far as he could before starting a slow rhythm, moving up and down. He kept his hands around JJ's hips, feeling his muscles tighten as he worked him, his breath quickening.

JJ's hand tightened in Drake's hair, tugging gently in warning as he arched his back and Drake pulled away, wrapping his hand around him and drove him to his climax, feeling his entire body tense as he screamed his name. Drake licked his lips, wiping his hand slowly on the sheets, watching JJ fall back against the pillows, chest rising and falling rapidly. A grin broke out on his lips as JJ cracked open one eye, whispering between heavy pants.

"_My…god…_"

He laughed and leaned over, kissing him on the lips. "Good?" He asked as JJ tried to sit up, ending up flopping back against the pillows, reaching up slowly to pet his cheek, fishing for words.

"My _god_." He said again, as Drake blushed happily, running his fingers through JJ's damp hair.

JJ hooked his arm around Drake's neck and pulled him close, burying his face against the collar of Drake's dress-shirt, still reeling. His lips moved up his throat and jaw, settling on attacking Drake's ear with kisses and playful nips. His free hand slipped between them, tugging Drake's shirt free from his pants before dropping the arm around his neck down his back. He shivered, Drake's breath hot against his neck as he rubbed his hand against the bulge in Drake's pants, a soft moan echoing in his ear. He kept at Drake's neck, nimbly unbuttoning his dress shirt, peeling it off with his undershirt slowly before unbuckling his belt. He inched lower, kissing down Drake's chest as he pushed down his pants, carefully tugging down his boxers until Drake shifted and captured his lips again. They smiled against each other's lips, hands still coursing over each other's bodies until JJ gestured to the bedside table. Drake pulled away slowly, kicking off the remnants of his clothing, reaching into the drawer, producing a small tube of lubricant. He settled himself between JJ's raised knees, spreading them a bit wider as he did, staring down at JJ's renewed erection before JJ's slender hand wrapped around his own. He tipped his head back and closed his eyes for a moment, groaning quietly as he let JJ pay some attention to his neglected cock. He cracked open an eye as JJ slipped a condom on him, and coated him with the lubricant.

Drake sat up on his knees and leaned over, kissing his partner softly on the lips as he covered his fingers in more lubricant, slipping inside of him, gently and carefully stretching the tight opening. He slipped his tongue inside of JJ's mouth as he reached deep inside, finding his prostate, feeling JJ tense, his sticky fingers gripping his side. JJ nodded, breathless again, burying his face into his neck as Drake's fingers retreated. He positioned himself against JJ's entrance, and slowly slid himself in, the tight ring of muscle allowing him passage. A deep sigh escaped him as he pushed himself fully in, holding JJ closer, his partner's legs wrapping around his lower back and thighs.

He found JJ's mouth again, and began to move gradually, allowing JJ to adjust, while he was overpowered by sensation. A steady heat rose between them, spreading through Drake's veins like fire as he thrust in and out, steadily increasing his speed and depth, swallowing JJ's quiet gasps and moans. Drake had never felt such synchronicity with anyone before, how their bodies worked together completely; he could have sworn that even their hearts were beating in time, though he supposed it was unlikely.

He slammed inside him harder, listening to JJ call out his name as he hit his prostate repeatedly, knowing his climax was incredibly close. Drake knotted his fingers in JJ's hair, hiding his face in his neck, giving one last thrust, causing JJ to bite back a scream as he came. Drake came a second later as JJ's body closed around him, flooding him with the most intense pleasure he'd ever felt.

Drake pulled out after a moment and rolled off JJ onto his back beside him, his head spinning, trying to catch his breath He tilted his head to look at his partner, the picture of bliss, eyes half lidded, lips wet, swollen and parted, glistening with sweat. He reached up clumsily and stroked JJ's damp bangs away from his forehead, watching his eyes flutter open and shut a few times before turning his head towards him with a big giddy grin. He slowly rolled over and curled up against Drake's side, resting his cheek on his shoulder.

"My…fucking…god." He whispered, laying his hand on Drake's chest, drumming his fingers gently against his flesh.

"No kidding…" Drake replied breathlessly, kissing the top of JJ's head. "I can't move…" He grunted, feebly trying and giving up.

JJ laughed and disposed of the condom, tossing it in the garbage by the night-table. "I have never…felt this good before." He admitted as Drake draped a lazy arm around him.

"Me neither." He said, tugging at the sheets to cover them both to stave off the cold.

"My god…" JJ sighed, slipping his leg between Drake's.

"Do you realize we haven't had sex in like a week and a half?"

"I realized." JJ said, nudging him playfully.

"I think it's a new record—"

"That should never be a _record_ anyone strives for." He said leaning over him, waiting for a kiss.

(to be continued.)

Ok, THAT was my fault. *halos*

And Im sorry about the delay...this semester...needs to die. Just....UGH. UGH. UGGH.

Yes. So how have you all been? :)

much love,

Priya Lalita.


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